Pop Girls Week

So far, I have only focused on the boys. I was being sexiest and not very politically correct. It is time for that to change. I am going to focus the next week on the ladies of the night, also known as female pop singers. Harsh, you might say, but have you ever actually listened to the lyrics to most of their songs? they would actually make a lady of the night blush. I will hit (and by hit i mean review, so no one accuses me of violence) some "greats" like Pink,
Lady Gaga (I am not actually sure what that is)
Britney Spears and others. I hope to enlighten you as to the terribleness of their music, well, I mostly hope to make you laugh. I hope you enjoy.

Paralyzer by Finger Eleven

If you didn't know or haven't figured it out yet, I am a musician. I write and record songs. I play lots of instruments. I don't say all of this to brag, I say it because of the song I am reviewing. "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven may be the worst lyrics of any song I have reviewed yet, and that is saying something because I have already reviewed some Nickelback songs. It is also bad musically. I have heard some boring, very repetitive, very un-musical songs on the radio before, but I usually did not hate those songs instantly. This one, I hated from the first moment my ears were scared by its sound.
This song is basically this: a conversation from one inebriated buddy to another inebriated buddy who went to a club to try to pick up chicks. Now, all of a sudden they don't like the club anymore because they cant "score", and the lack of "scoring"
has nothing to do with the fact that the guys are drunk and treat women like meat, with pick up lines like "my place on your place", no, not at all, it is totally the fault of the "uppity" or pretentious, as he states. Our society has become one of pass the blame. No one takes responsibility for anything that goes wrong in their lives, either personally or professionally. People look for any reason to blame some one or something else for their failure. My friends, this is wrong! I think the reason our society never learns anything anymore is because, in the minds of most Americans, they don't fail anymore. It is always someone else that fails, so there is nothing to learn. This is dangerous, and it leads to really bad music. Back to the song.
The song has many flaws. I probably could name them all, but I am writing a blog and not a book, and I want you to keep reading my blog! I don't care for the music, I will leave it at that.
The lyrics are childish, the music is gradeschoolish, and the vocals are raspy and hideous. I give this song a ( I am actually going to start rating songs so my blog makes more sense, although I still stand behind the rating for any Nickelback song I have rated so far) solid 1.5 out of 10. One point because it has real musical instruments (Backstreet Boys, anyone?) and half a point because I am feeling generous tonight. Thanks for reading.

Paralyzer
I hold on so nervously
To me and my drink
I wish it was cooling me
But so far, has not been good
It’s been s****y
And I feel awkward, as I should
This club has got to be
The most pretentious thing
Since I thought you and me
Well I am imagining
A dark lit place
Or your place or my place

Well I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

I hold out for one more drink
Before I think
I’m looking too desperately
But so far has not been fun
I should just stay home
If one thing really means one
This club will hopefully
Be closed in three weeks
That would be cool with me
Well I’m still imagining
A dark lit place
Or your place or my place

Well, I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

We’ll, I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

"Overcome" by Creed

I don't know if you heard, but Creed is back and they are the same as ever!! I mean it, really I do. This is so similar to the last Creed album that I can't believe they waited so long to put out the same thing. Oh, wait, yes I can. Creed is nothing if not predictable. Well, I am not being fair. It is actually a little different musically, but I just can't get past that voice. Who remembers really liking "My Own Prison" and "What If"? Come on, don't leave me hanging! You know you did. But then they put out "Higher" and it all went down hill from there. They became a "is that a new song or the last one? I just can't tell" kind of band. Everything form "My Sacrifice" to "Weathered" all sounded exactly the same, you could even time when the break down in the song was within a half a minuet or so. They became terrible, or, maybe we all just realized they were terrible. Regardless, we did not like them anymore. And then Scott Stapp became a bit of a drug addict slime ball, and we liked them less. So they took some time off, and regrouped. The guys started "Altered Bridge", which was basically Creed without Stapp, and Scott did his own solo thing.
We were glad they were gone from the mainstream.
It appears that the band misjudged how we would accept them when they came back ( or at least how I would accept them). The first time I heard "Overcome", I actually didn't think it was that bad. But then I put it to the Creed test. I started picking out the same old pattern, minus the breakdown, and then there was still his voice. It was still the same old add extra "r's" into words and have really long "O's" the rest of the time. Not good. And what was the last straw, you might ask? I actually listened to the lyrics. They are not good. I would go as far as to say that they are bad. Real bad. Lines like "I'm entitled to overcome". Why are you entitled? Who entitled you, your mom? If you are trying to make us like you again, tossing out entitlements are probably not the way to do it. Just saying. Also lines like "i’ll be dammed fighting you, it's impossible, impossible! say goodbye, with no sympathy!" I don't even understand that, maybe the label told him he needed a cuss word and some anger in the song so he added this line, I guess we will never know, since I don't really see Creed being the comeback band of the year or anything, so they don't have a lot more albums in their future(at least I hope not!)
This song is bad in short snippets, and it is bad if you listen to the whole thing. It is just a bad, bad song. It gets a -156,229 out of 10.

On a side note, for anyone actually reading my blog, I would love to field suggestions on songs to review. If you have a song you dislike, or if you have a song you like that you want me to tear into, just tell me in the comments section of this blog, and I will be happy to review it, unless of course I like it. This is music that makes me sick, after all. As always, Thanks for reading.

Don’t cry victim to me
everything we are and used to be
is buried and gone
now it’s my turn to speak
it’s my turn to expose and release what’s been killing me.
i’ll be dammed fighting you, it's impossible, impossible!
say goodbye, with no sympathy!

I’m entitled to overcome
completely stunned i'm numb (?)
knock me down throw me to the floor!
there’s no pain i can’t feel no more.
I’m entitled to overcome
overcome!

finally see what’s beneath
everything i am and hope to be
cannot be lost.
I’ll be dammed fighting you
you're impossible, impossible!
say goodbye with no sympathy!

I’m entitled to overcome
completely stunned i'm numb (?)
knock me down throw me to the floor
there’s no pain i can’t feel no more
I’m entitled to overcome
overcome!

overcome!

Break by Three Days Grace

This is the No. 1 rock song in the country at the moment. People really seem to like it. Do I feel like the kid who is picked last or left out of everything at school because I am one of the only ones that don't like it. No, I do not. I am happy to be left out of this one. Let me tell you why.
This is what I like to call a formula song. Formula songs are songs that follow a pattern that some big wig at "mega records" has had a underling do a poll and figure out what "formula" of song produces the most hits. Then they call in a band, usually one that is not very good and needs to be propped up by the label, and they tell them, "pick your best song, then change it to match this formula. I promise it will produce a hit." That, in most cases, is true. But, in my humble opinion, it has nothing to do with the band or the song or the formula. For crying out loud, Alvin and the Chipmunks
have 45 hit songs or so, so 3 days grace is nothing special with their No. 1. The reason is the way they get dj's to promote and radio stations to play. If the dj tells most idiots that this is the best song they have ever heard, then most idiots are going to think that it is the best song they have ever heard. Simple as that. As a group, we are a people who like to follow the crowd.
This song is catchy, because of said formula. It is lacking the usual uncalled for profanity, so that is a plus. The guitar solo (if you want to call it that) is weak at best, and his voice is that same raspy, yelly, screamy thing that every other rock band is up to right now. The first time I heard this song, I could not figure out the lyrics, because he has that "I can't sing clear words because I am so much cooler than that" disease. The line, "If you can't stand the way this place is take, yourself to higher places" I really thought said If you can't stand the wasted places, take yourself to other places, which would be stupid and moronic. Now, keep in mind, what he actually says is not much better. But it is a little better. I am not disgusted, repulsed, angered, or offended by this song, so I give it a -40 out of 10. (remember, If everyone cared by Nickelback earned a score of -9999999999999999 out of 10) I don't like the hook, the vocals, the guitar "work", or the breakdown in the middle. You wont instantly die if you listen to this song (See "Burn it to the Ground" by Nickelback for instant death songs), but you probably won't go out and buy the CD either.





Break by Three Days Grace
Tonight, my head is spinning
I need something to pick me up
I've tried but nothing is working
I won't stop
I won't say I've had enough
Tonight, I start the fire
Tonight I break away,

Break!
Away from everybody
Break!
Away from everything
If you can't stand the way this place is
Take, yourself to higher places

Oh oh

At night I feel like a vampire
It's not right
I just can't give it up
I'll try to get myself higher
Let's go
We're gonna light it up
Tonight we start the fire
Tonight we break away

Break!
Away from everybody
Break!
Away from everything
If you can't stand the way this place is
Take, yourself to higher places

Oh oh oh

If you can't stand,
The way this place is
Take, yourself, to higher places

Break!
Away from everybody
Break!
Away from everything
If you can't stand the way this place is
Take, yourself to higher places

Oh oh

Higher places,
Oh oh
To higher places,
Oh oh
Higher places,
Take yourself to higher places href="http://">

"Spaceship" by Puddle of Mudd

Puddle of Mudd, the name of the group says it all. All of their CD's should be thrown in a puddle of mudd. Ever since the classic (that is sarcasm, by the way) "She F*****g Hates Me", this group has been on my radar as one of the worst in music. They were discovered by Fred Durst of Limp Bizket, so you know they are classy. If you have never listened to a Puddle of Mudd song, consider yourself a blessed person or a lucky person. They are very poor songwriters, very poor musicians, and Wes Scantlin's
voice makes me wish that I was listening to someone scraping their fingernails down a chalkboard. That might be harsh, but if you have heard "the Mudd", you know exactly what I mean. For crying out loud, try NOT singing through your nose for one second!!
But I digress. This song is another one of those "clever" ways to say "Hey, I have nothing to sing about and I like sex, so let me come up with the most un-original pick up line I can think of and attempt to craft a song around it!" This is what Scantlin did here. He wants to "get her pannies on the floor" and "take her for a little ride". That not only makes me cringe, but it offends me. Not as a christian or a moral person, but as a songwriter. I am offended that someone can make money off of something that you would hear some guy with the nickname "slick Eddie"
say. The cadence in the song is not to bad, if you enjoy a cadence that you have heard literally over 20 times before. The big thing that "the Mudd" is known for is sounding just like every other trashy rock band out there. They are less original than Creed, and that is saying something. As a side, I am a little creep ed out by the statement "sweat dripping down you little back". The word makes me think he is talking to someone small, as in, not full grown. I am just a little uncomfortable with that line. I know that he needed the words to flow right, but this is one place that a cuss word would have been better. (I can't believe that I really just said that!)
This song is bad. Again, it is not the worst, actually, it may be the worst. If you choose to listen to it, it is around 4 minuets of your life that you can NEVER get back. I am telling you this as a public service announcement.

SPACESHIP by Puddle of Mudd

Yeah .. alright
Now, now now

A long time ago in a galaxy far awasted
I'm basted come on yeah
I’m in the flow and I got all the flavors you tasted
With sweat dripping down your little back

Cause all night long, said
All night long, I been thinking
About how to get your clothes on the floor
All night long, said
All night long, I been drinking
About how to get your panties on the floor

So let’s get it over and just get naked
With sweat dripping down your little back
I’m a Holy roller and I own the spaceship
So let me take you for a little ride
Ride, ride-ey-yea-yea-yeah alright

So I’ve been on the go for so long
I can’t stand up, straight and now tell me
I’m in the flow and I got all the flavors you tasted
With sweat dripping down your little back

Cause all night long, said
All night long, I been thinking
About how to get your clothes on the floor
All night long, said
All night long, I been drinking
About how to get your panties on the floor

So let’s get it over and just get naked
With sweat dripping down your little back
I’m a Holy roller and I own the spaceship
So let me take you for a little ride
Ride, ride

Come on, come on, come on yeah
You know I really want to take you for a little ride
Come on, come on, come on, yeah
You know I really want to take you for a little ride
You know I really want to take you for a little ride
You know I really want to take you for a little

So let’s get it over and just get naked ooh

So let’s get it over and just get naked
I wanna give you everything I got
I’m a holy roller and I own the spaceship
So let me take you for a little ride
Let’s get it over and just get naked
With sweat dripping down your little back
I’m a holy roller and I own the spaceship
So let me take you for a little ride

Come on, come on
Take you for a little ride

"Whiskey Hangover" by Godsmack

This is modern rock week. I am going to cover some "great" new rock bands and what is wrong with them. I will begin with Godsmack.

I am at least impressed with Godsmack for being honest about why all of their songs are horribly written and don't make a lot of sense. I have always wanted to cover a Godsmack song just to point out that the name Godsmack is a name that I would expect a kid who wants to make his devoutly christian parents angry for the sake of being "tough" and being a "rebel" against what dear old mom and dad believe. Sadly, that is what I think Sully Erna (no wonder he is mad at his parents) is doing here. He is still a so called "tortured kid" at heart, who never grew up and became a man, so he is still rebelling against his parents by calling his band Godsmack and writing nonsensical songs such as "Whiskey Hangover". Okay, you need an example, here you go. "So sick of you preaching all the time, just keep your s****y advice inside" sounds like a line directly aimed at his parents. He wants to sound tough but the song comes off sounding like a person trying to hard to sound tough, like the kid in elementary school who always cussed alot to impress all of his friends, and usually he cussed so much that his friends wound up feeling sorry for him.
All in all, this is not the worst song on the radio today, but it is a sad and depressing look into the "rock star" life and what the mentality of most of the stars are like today, seeing that a lot of bands want to emulate Godsmack. The tune is catchy, the vocals are sub par, and the lyrics are 6th gradeish. If you want to remember the kid that was always being mean
and cussing and being punished by teachers in the Jr. high, I highly recommend listening to this song.


so what if i never wanna be sober?
so what if i wanna be numb all the time?
I cant justify why I'd wanna go slower
taking my time just ain't my style, yeah

I'll walk dead or alive
I'll waste my time whenever I like
I'm feelin okay with my whiskey hangover

So what you cleaned your act up so far
so what if im pissing into the wind (again)?
Have you ever thought that I'm not who you are? (baby)
cause even when i lose i know how to win again and again
So sick of you preaching all the time
Just keep your s****y advice inside

Cause I'll walk dead or alive
I'll waste my time whenever I like
I'm feelin ok with my whiskey hangover
oh yeah yeah
Cause I'll walk dead or alive
I'll waste my time whenever i like
I'm feelin ok with my whiskey hangover
oh yeah
Oh yeah!!
lets go!

One sip ain't gunna do s***
on the 2nd sip i begin to admit
that the 3rd one down is what makes me feel alright
and number 4 i slam down to the floor
by 5 im ready to fight all night
an then 6, 7, 8 to make me break your face (sometimes)

Cause I'll walk dead or alive
I'll waste my time whenever i like
Im feelin ok with my whiskey hangover
oh yeah yeah
cuz I'll walk dead or alive
I'll waste my time whenever i like
im feelin ok with my whiskey hangover
with my whiskey hangover
with my whiskey hangover
with my whiskey hangover
with my whiskey hangover
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah... href="http://">