I am a professor at the UGM, or, the University of Good Music. I had a student submit me a song that I thought was good enough to get around a 5 out of 100 or so. Then I heard this song and my opinion completely changed and I wound up passing that student in the hopes that maybe he could take over the songwriting for Nickleback. I decided to grade said Nickleback song that changed my mind, so enjoy.
Dear Mr. Kroger, This is the worst writing I have ever seen, and keep in mind that I run camps for kids to learn how to write songs, and some of their first attempts at songs, which have come back with a grade of 0%, were better than this song that I just graded. My advice, go into “fistfuls of whiskey” and “balls out” activities full time and leave the crappy writing to 7th grade kids with dreams of being cool. At least people can understand why their lyrics suck so bad.
I had to figure out how to do this one, and it was tough!! i hope you all can read it.
I have a best friend. He has given me advice from time to time in my life, some I have taken, some I have not. We have known each other for a really long time, well over 20 years. If he ever said one of the things to me that are listed in this song, and was totally serious about, I would never speak to him for the rest of my life. This chorus should say, If Today was a Cliche', and you wanted some money', write down about 400 generic things. Then put it to a catchy tune, have some drums that go boom, and dumb people to it will zoom, If today was your cliche'. Where do I begin with this song. The cliches' are not even good ones. At least throw in don't go swimming until at least 30 minuets after you eat, or, apple a day keeps the doctor away, or, a penny saved is a penny earned...hey, I am well on my way to a million dollars, the Chad Kroger way!! Does he really believe that people talk to each other this way? Has anyone ever come up to you and said, " hey man, I have the best advice for you, don't take the free ride in your whole life, and live like your never livin' twice." I don't know what you would do if your friend said that to you, but I would sock that guy right in the mouth! Right in the kisser!! Really. I would.
This is another one of those songs I like to call formula songs. It follows a generic, crappy, and super cheesy formula that many bad songs over the last two decades follow, advice songs. They want you to feel like you can learn something from the songwriter other than he is an idiot who only follows the simplest and easiest of rhymes. I give this gem a -9999999999 out of ten, by far the highest ranked of all the Nickelback songs I have ranked, and only because it is the second in a series and i didn't have the heart to rate another Nickelback song under -1 trillion. Oh, yea, the first in the series is that stupid "look at this photograph" song. I don't like cheap, generic, crappy music, if you haven't figured that out by now. If you like any of these songs, feel free to comment on them and tell me where I am wrong. Since I am a delusional man, I will assume that since I have no comments yet, it is because everyone in the world agrees with me and not because no one is reading my blog. As always, thanks for reading and keep listening to good music.
If Today Was Your Last Day My best friend gave me the best advice He said each day's a gift and not a given right Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind And try to take the path less traveled by That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last Leave old pictures in the past? Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day? What if, what if, if today was your last day?
Against the grain should be a way of life What's worth the price is always worth the fight Every second counts 'cause there's no second try So live like you're never living twice Don't take the free ride in your own life
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past? Donate every dime you had?
And would you call those friends you never see? Reminisce old memories? Would you forgive your enemies? And would you find that one you're dreaming of? Swear up and down to God above That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?
If today was your last day Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart? You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes 'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life Let nothing stand in your way 'Cause the hands of time are never on your side
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past? Donate every dime you had?
And would you call those friends you never see? Reminisce old memories? Would you forgive your enemies? And would you find that one you're dreaming of Swear up and down to God above That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?
Do you know what can stop the things that I have pictured here? Careing, Loving, and not lying. Thats right, those three things (and not crying) can stop A-Bombs, war, and death itself. Don't believe me? Nickelback said it and I know that those guys wouldn't lie to me just for a political statement.
"If everyone cared and nobody cried, If everyone loved and nobody lied, If everyone shared and swallowed their pride, then we'd see the day when nobody died."
In the vein of John Lennon's "imagine", Creed's "Childron, Don't Stop Darncing", and Michael Jackson's "We Are the World", this song attempts to capture a nation at war and tell them that they are the real problem, not the people who want to kill us. If we would give them love instead of shooting back at them, they would stop shooting at us. I would like to see how the Taliban would react if Nickelback traveled to Afganistan and walked onto the battle field armed with love and swallowed pride. They would be destroyed, and quickly. Our enimies are not fighting us because we don't love and don't care, they are killing us because we are infidels. They hate western culture, not Consertive western culture. The difference between us and are enimies is we do not want to kill them because they are below us some how, which is how they see us. Although love and pride swallowing is a good thing, it is no way to fight a war. And for the record, all of those other songs I mentioned suck as well.
So, this song is just plain wrong and it is dangerous. People by into the whole "Bush lied, people died" thing, and Nickelback is just trying to make a quick buck off if it. Sad, disgrasful, and dangerous. I give this song -1000000000000000000 out of 10. Good Night.
Lyrics: If Everyone Cared lyrics
From underneath the trees, we watch the sky Confusing stars for satellites I never dreamed that you'd be mine But here we are, we're here tonight
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
[Chorus:] If everyone cared and nobody cried If everyone loved and nobody lied If everyone shared and swallowed their pride Then we'd see the day when nobody died
And I'm singing Amen
Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
And in the air the fireflies Our only light in paradise We'll show the world they were wrong And teach them all to sing along
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive Singing Amen, I, I'm alive (I'm alive)
[Chorus x2]
And as we lie beneath the stars We realize how small we are If they could love like you and me Imagine what the world could be
If everyone cared and nobody cried If everyone loved and nobody lied If everyone shared and swallowed their pride Then we'd see the day when nobody died When nobody died...
[Chorus]
We'd see the day, we'd see the day When nobody died We'd see the day, we'd see the day When nobody died We'd see the day when nobody died
When I first heard this song, I was sure that I had heard it before. I knew I had to be wrong because the DJ said "and now, here is the latest from Chad and the guys", which i guess is what cool D's call Nickelback. Then the familiar acoustic guitar which begins all of Nickle back's "love" songs, Chad throatily says "Time, is going by, so much faster than I, and I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you" Nice rhyme. Okay, Okay, let me try one, set to the same tune as this classic: "I, really want to die, every time that this guy, writes another hit song it really makes me want to cry!" Wow, i just came up with that in 18 seconds. I bet it took Chad a little more time, because I am sure he really puts his heart and soul into all of his love songs. I will explain that statement later when I review one of their "rock" songs. This song is bad on 2 levels: 1. Musically- it is just like every other "band" song on the radio. It lacks originality, and it lacks talent. 2. Lyrically- it reminds me that I forgot once again to leave my car running in the garage while sitting in it with the garage door shut. Lines like "If you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall" and "When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on, We're gonna see the world out." We're gonna see the world out? What, the world won't leave and they are going to make it leave forcefully? "I'm sorry, world, but it is really time for you to go! Honey, get the world's jacket, oh, and by the way, I'm gonna be there always"
The song structure is bad, but who can we really blame for that. The sales for this song are through the roof, because I am one of the few that just cant take this stuff anymore. It is time for songs to be about more than selling albums (or, Cd's as the kids call them) and more about having something to say. I think that this song is a horrible love song, but the majority of people do not. Of course, the majority of people also think titanic was a good movie, so what do they know?
Anyways, I hope you enjoy my little rant, I will continue until I get tired of it, or until wee run out of bad songs on the radio... HAHAHAHHAAHAHAH like that would ever happen!!
Time, is going by, so much faster than I, And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you. Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside, So I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you. So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...
[Chorus] Never gonna be alone! From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall... Never gonna be alone! I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.
[Verse 2] And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands, 'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you, So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...
[Chorus] Never gonna be alone! From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall. When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on. We're gonna see the world out, I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.
[Verse 3] Oh! You've gotta live every single day, Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes? Don't let it slip away, Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun. Every single day, Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes? Tomorrow never comes...
[Verse 4] Time, is going by, so much faster than I, And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you. So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...
[Chorus] Never gonna be alone! From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall. When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on. We're gonna see the world out, I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.
I'm gonna be there always, I won't be missing one more day, I'm gonna be there always, I won't be missing one more day.
I have decided that I will start out this blog with a bang, by doing one a day for a whole week. And what better way to start off a blog dedicated to bad, reprehensible, dirty, nasty, and otherwise undesirable "music" then to dedicate an entire week to one of the worst, Nickelback. His lyrics are 3rd gradeish, his melodies were original in the 80's, oh, wait, no they weren't, his vocals make we want to clear my thought, and his look makes me want to shower. Nickelback took to the pat tented one song style that Creed brought us and improved on it. They gave us two songs! WOW! I will focus on both songs this week, the "Love" songs, and the "Rock" songs. Please feel free to point out where I am wrong and tell me what a great band Nickle back is, so I can be sure to block you from my blog and never become friends with you. I am looking forward to getting some much needed stress off of my back by ripping into these so called bands, and the record executives who sell music to the lowest common denominator, and all i hope is that you get some sort of enjoyment out of reading what I get enjoyment and stress relief out of writing.
